Buhtt sex?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
