I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
