He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
