I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
