the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
