i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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