It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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