ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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