Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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