So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We had to coat check the pizza.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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