maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize