Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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