Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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