i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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