so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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