I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
