It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
