the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
