Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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