i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
