I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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