Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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