Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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