I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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