I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
