D3 body, D1 cock
Already got asked if we're dating
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
