ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
