I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
