he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
