Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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