I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
