M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
