just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
