Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
