I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
