3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we're making bets on your personal life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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