i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
