That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
FUCK WHALES
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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