I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
