all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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