im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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