I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
