I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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