I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
