Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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