Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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