My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize