the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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