then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
