you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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