i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
