his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The uberlube is also flammable
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
