I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
