I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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