maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
