you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
