I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
