This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
