You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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