I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
