Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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