you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
