he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
