Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
