I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
