I hate all girls vehemently.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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