I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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