I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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