U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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