Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
